When couples experience a break in their connection, which is usually why they come to therapy, I encourage them to think back to the beginning of their relationship. Those were the days when they likely experienced their deepest level of connection. While, “How did you feel then?,” might be an obvious question to ask, an equally important question is, “What were you doing?” This question is crucial because feelings don't operate like a light switch; we can't just remember them and turn them back on.