“This Is Water”: Goldfish, Supermarkets, and the Power of Awareness

Just this week, for the first time I watched a popular online video, This Is Water, adapted from author David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College. Maybe you have seen it; the link is below: http://www.upworthy.com/the-earth-shatteringly-amazing-speech-that-ll-change-the-way-you-think-about-adulthood-4?g=2  I was struck by how brilliantly the video conveyed a message about the power of choice and […]

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The Dynamics of Grief When a Relationship Ends

Grief and Loss Loss, bereavement, and grief are often first associated with death. Grief counseling is not often thought for anyone who hasn’t experienced a death of a loved one. However, grief and mourning encompass so much more beyond loss that comes from death. Loss of a job, autonomy and independence, a pet, a campaign, […]

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Timers Everywhere

 In this world of beeps and rings and timers, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by these daily reminders.  The alarm sings in the morning, the dryer beeps for the clothes to be folded, the phone pings when an email comes in and the oven timer goes off when the chicken is baked. The other […]

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Can I Live Without Negativity in My Marriage?

A current focus in the work of Haville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, is uprooting negativity from marital interaction. Hendrix defines negativity as “any thought, word, or deed that tells a partner: ‘You’re not okay when you think what you think or act the way that you act.’”  Hendrix […]

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Pornography and the Male Brain

Much has been written on why porn is an issue for women. This blog will address a less public problem: Why is it a problem for men, and how does it affect their relationships? High-speed Internet porn may be the fastest moving, most global influence on male sexuality, sexual performance, and relationship dynamics in history. […]

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Conflict is Growth Trying to Happen

Several years ago, when I worked as a bereavement counselor, I’d often receive puzzled looks at parties when people I hadn’t met before asked where I worked. “You’re a grief counselor?” they’d ask. “But isn’t that depressing?” Actually, I’d say, it’s just the opposite. One of the many things I enjoy about counseling those who […]

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Reflections on Service and Career

Back in the days of hippies, there was a spiritual teacher and commune leader named Stephen Gaskin. I once saw Stephen speak at a university venue I can no longer remember.  But I vividly remember his description of the way his life changed when he took the Bodhisattva Vow. In Mahayana Buddhism, the ideal is […]

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Stress-Producing Stress

Define “stress.” Most people would define stress as an overall negative feeling. What kind of feeling, exactly? Stress might feel like: anger worry sadness being overwhelmed despair shock exhaustion pressure busyness irritation fear distraction confusion etc…   In other words, stress is an actual, definable emotion, not just a vague, amorphous catchall. The danger in […]

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The Dangers of Stereotyping and Splitting

There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ people. Some are a little better or a little worse but all are activated more by misunderstanding than malice. A blindness to what is going on in each other’s hearts.…. Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all […]

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The Memories Behind our Memories

Why is it that most people cannot remember much of their early childhood, especially anything before age 2 or 3? Many things took place during those early years, things that became foundational for later experiential interpretation, yet most of us cannot recall early events. Without early language skills and without a well-formed sense of “self”, […]

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