To Bless the Space Between Us

     One of my author’s to love is John O’Donahue. He’s a treasure of a poet whose untimely passing in 2008 jarred a lot of us; yet, not surprisingly, his work continues to inspire.  One of O’Donahue’s books, entitled, To Bless the Space Between Us, offers ways to bless what he calls “seven rhythms of the human […]

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Swimming Naked

Summer nights and skinny-dipping. Ah, the risk, the romance! To be sure, most of us have no trouble remembering all the fun stuff that colored the beginning stages of our relationships. We seem to find ourselves seduced into the waters of commitment, but, as time passes, all sorts of challenges lurk beneath those initial beckoning […]

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What You Fear Will Not Go Away

Before I became a therapist, for 22 years I taught English to high school students. During that time, I had the opportunity to get close to lots of wonderful students; some of them were pretty wobbly souls (remember the insecurity of those days?). I also got close to some wonderfully strengthening poems.  Here is one of my […]

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Eight Stages and Endless Opportunities to Heal

In this day and age it is common knowledge that the origin of many of our rough edges and soft spots go back to our past with parents and other significant caregivers. Good therapy acknowledges this, but also believes that there are endless opportunities to heal and grow past these emotional and developmental injuries. How hurts […]

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When is Close Too Close?

One of the challenges of mature relationships is balancing healthy closeness with healthy separateness. You may feel the sting of needing to grow in this area if you find yourself wanting a boys night out but are afraid to ask. Or, you might be off in the car together on Saturday morning doing errands and […]

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Safe Encounters: Relationship Tip

“You are so critical and hyper!” “You are so withdrawn and unsupportive!” We all tend to be experts on what is wrong with our partners. Certainly, this level of awareness is an important starting point when considering our troubled relationships. Yet, such criticisms are not conducive to healthy connecting. Most of us carry baggage from […]

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Giving Better Back

 In her book Bring Yourself to Love, Mona Barbera, Ph.D., offers the idea of “giving better back” as a way to affect real change in your relationships. Rather than getting hooked into to a predictably toxic discussions, she suggests that we can “show [our] partner how it feels to be treated well” by doing it.  […]

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What’s Really to Blame

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows about the trivial frustrations that creep into daily life. We find ourselves keeping score and bickering over silly things like dishes left in the sink; where to go to eat; the toilet seat in the wrong position. Healthy couples learn to become suspicious of such irritable behavior. They know […]

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