When couples experience a break in their connection, which is usually why they come to therapy, I encourage them to think back to the beginning of their relationship. Those were the days when they likely experienced their deepest level of connection. While, “How did you feel then?,” might be an obvious question to ask, an equally important question is, “What were you doing?” This question is crucial because feelings don’t operate like a light switch; we can’t just remember them and turn them back on.
Usually, couples have things that they did at the beginning of their relationship that they loved doing, but no longer do. Going to a particular diner for brunch on Sundays. Attending free concerts at a venue over the summer. Cooking dinner together on a special night. We might call these activities relationship rituals. If you’d like to deepen your connection to your loved one, then think back to those early days. What were you doing? Start doing some of those things together again! Your relationship rituals can serve as pathways to take you to a place of deeper connection and love.