As I finished up today with Estonia’s first class of Imago therapists I can’t begin to tell you the joy, pride and emotion that filled our training room situated next to Tallinn’s historic Old Town. One of the many requirements to become skilled in couple’s work is to show your work for supervision and learn how to become an advocate for a couple’s relationship and not a judge or negotiator of issues. As Eva showed the 7th tape of the day quite a drama between a grandmother and adult grandson unfolded.
Like many painful ruptures there had been no communication for months between a grown man and the woman who had raised him. As they were just beginning to learn the Imago Dialogue process, and struggling to be heard and understood by the other, they couldn’t get the challenging skill of one person speaking at a time and all hell broke loose (yes, we have all been there!) Eva sat patiently trying to speak, trying to stop the shouting but never losing her neutrality….staying present and calm,not making a difficult situation worse by taking sides.. …caring about this family that did not know how to reestablish connection.
After several attempts to stop the loud accusations she sat quietly waiting until they took a breath. At one point she actually stood up, slapped her knee and asked them to just ‘stop’. She thanked them they they had begun to speak again and had come to try something different and that doing things a new way can take some time and effort and she would be willing to help them. She ended the session by having them thank each other for coming and encouraging them to keep moving forward slowly. They thanked each other and her!
A wonderful new Imago therapist now lives in Estonia….one that knows all our wounds can so easily get in the way of loving connection and that there is hope. Eva demonstrated she has patience and a willingness to step into that crucible of transformation with relationships, trusting that something new is trying to be born. Welcome and congratulations Eva…wish I could say it in Estonian!