You may have read headlines about how loneliness is a health threat. Or you’ve heard how cultivating community is the thing that helps individuals stay strong against oppression and adverse circumstances.
Connection Makes Everything Seem Brighter
One fascinating finding from neuroscience is that when people report having supportive relationships, their cognitive and physiological load is lighter. They report that tasks feel easier, and the challenges they face feel less overwhelming. And the reverse is true too! Individuals who report experiencing less of a sense of social support – regardless of their literal number of relationships – perceive tasks as harder and the world as more dangerous and exhausting.
Multiple studies have demonstrated this effect, but here’s one example. Picture yourself standing alone at the base of a hill near where you live. How steep does that hill feel? In one psychology experiment, participants were asked to estimate the steepness of a hill. When standing alone, they reported perceiving the hill as steeper. When standing with a friend, participants reported it seemed less steep. Even imagining a supportive friend made the hill seem less effortful, compared to thinking about a neutral or disliked person. Other studies on pain perception found that holding someone’s hand reduces the reported feeling of pain during medical procedures – and its especially strong if the hand is attached to a romantic partner.
This points to a powerful truth: we are more resourced in connection.
Our Brains Are Wired For Connection
The theory based on these findings, Social Baseline Theory, was initially developed by psychologist Dr. James A. Coan. Social Baseline Theory suggests that our brains evolved with the expectation of social connection. The brain assumes we have social connection and experiences pain when we do not. This is supported by research that our brains “activate” when isolated, in other words, when the expectation of connection is broken.
When We Are Disconnected, We Have Fewer Resources
Think about a little annoying habit you have, something that bothers you and you wish you just didn’t do. Now imagine yourself alone in the middle of a desert, and picture yourself doing that annoying thing. What thoughts come to mind? “Oh god, I’m the worst” or “Everything is horrible” or “It’s hopeless.” When isolated (even just imagining being isolated) the brain perceives fewer available resources. So the brain gears up the body to respond to a hostile situation. This automatic response to disconnection can create mental fatigue, but also physical stress. So unfortunately the sense of social disconnection can contribute to mental difficulties like anxiety and long-term physical health effects like blood pressure and diabetes.
When We Are Connected, We Have More Fuel To Face The World
Now picture yourself sitting down to a big meal at a table surrounded by loved ones. Then picture yourself doing that annoying habit. What different thoughts come to mind? Can you maybe even smile at your habit? When we feel more connected, we become better equipped to handle challenges and are more resilient. Connection also helps our bodily health. Studies have shown that experiences of physical touch can lead to reduced heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels, while increasing oxytocin and serotonin levels. This sense of connection makes the world appear more welcoming, problems seem more manageable, and at a molecular level, it contributes to better overall health.
Interestingly, we know that married folks live longer (on average) than their unmarried peers. So a short-term physical touch helps show immediate improvement in how your body is working. And a long-term deep bond with another individual may contribute to a long-term improvement in health, leading to a longer life for you.
When You’re Connected, It Helps Your Loved Ones and Your Community, Too
The beautiful thing about connection is it is a two-way street. By giving yourself connection, you are also naturally giving it back. When you experience being heard, understood, and empathized with, your loved ones do too.
Imago Relationship Therapy beautifully complements the idea that connection is the fuel that helps us thrive. It offers a way to heal and reconnect with our loved ones, by recognizing that we are all just trying to get our needs met, and teaching tools to increase understanding and explore new, healthier ways of interacting. By using Imago therapy, you can deepen your connection with your partner, creating a more supportive and loving relationship. Through techniques like empathic dialogue and revisioning relationships, Imago therapy helps you build stronger bonds with partners, family, and friends. And because connection is crucial for mental and physical health, by investing in your relationships, you are giving yourself and your loved ones fuel to thrive. Everyone’s bodies and minds become healthier. Connection lightens the load for everyone, giving you all more resources to face the future.
Therapy can be a great place to explore more about what is getting in the way of building connections that will enrich your life and support you moving forward into the future. For more, find an individual therapist or explore connecting through shared difficulties with group therapy.
Resources:
Field, T. (2010). Touch for socioemotional and physical well-being: A review. Developmental review, 30(4), 367-383. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2011.01.001
Sahi, R. S., Dieffenbach, M. C., Gan, S., Lee, M., Hazlett, L. I., Burns, S. M., … & Eisenberger, N. I. (2021). The comfort in touch: Immediate and lasting effects of handholding on emotional pain. PloS one, 16(2), e0246753. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0246753
Sumich, A., Heym, N., Sarkar, M., Burgess, T., French, J., Hatch, L., & Hunter, K. (2022). The power of touch: The effects of havening touch on subjective distress, mood, brain function, and psychological health. Psychology & Neuroscience, 15(4), 332.