You may have heard of the Imago relationship couples workshop: Getting the Love You Want. But did you know that there is an Imago workshop for individuals, too? All of us got to adulthood with our very own unique baggage. We have filled it along the way with the unmet needs of childhood, our lost parts, and our brilliant adaptive behaviors. And we watched our baggage play out in all our adult relationships. The problem with all our relationships is that we are the common denominator.
Wherever I go I find myself there. I can not change the things that get me into trouble in my intimate relationships until I have an idea what exactly it is that I do that fails to get me what I most dearly desire—a warm consistent connection with a beloved other.
First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
How many times have you made a list of the perfect partner, hoping that if you can identify what you want in a partner you will recognize it when you see it? Or perhaps you look longingly at your friends’ relationships and wonder why you are not finding your other half. Maybe you think there is something wrong with you. Great relationships are not about finding and picking the right partner. It is all about being the right partner. And this means revealing and being our joyfully authentic wholly alive and integrated self.
My Imago Match
In Imago Relationship Therapy, we posit that the person you partner with is uniquely your Imago match-they carry attributes of your caregivers that are unconsciously familiar and compelling. The right partner for you is likely to have traits that you have lost or hidden, childhood wounds that mirror yours, and ways of making themselves feel safe that are the opposite of your ways of being safe. This biologically driven attraction leads to the perfect partner for highly charged power struggles once the glow of adoration wanes.
Communication is the Name of the Game
So, what is a person to do in a world where we are wired for relationship and longing for connection, but the fire never seems to quite take off? Four out of five couples sitting in my ZOOM room say that they have different communication styles or that they just do not communicate well. They may play the shame and blame game, pointing their finger at the other person. They may own that they do not communicate well themselves. But they come to me for help because somehow their dream has become a nightmare and they want the dream back.
Why Would I Attend a Workshop?
Attending a psychoeducational workshop provides the perfect canvas for the individual work that leads to self-awareness, and understanding of our defensive system, clarity about our baggage, new communication tools, a vision for what personal growth looks like, and an opportunity to reclaim parts of the self that you lost or hid away, long ago.
A Journey of a Lifetime
By proactively doing this growth work, individuals can make personal changes that prepare them for the intimate relationship that they deeply long for, providing the mirror in which we see ourselves with clarity. This is an invitation to take a journey of transformation, in a safe space with others on a similar courageous path. In the workshop, we learn to see ourselves in others, to be curious about new information, to look with awe and wonder at the parts of our self that we did not even realize we had let go of, and slowly we begin to trust the process of connecting across our individual and shared experiences.
What to Expect
The workshop is comprised of lectures, exercises in small groups and dyads, skills building, and validation of the wholly integrated self that you have been seeking. The real hope in having the relationship you dream of is to look inward for the partner you want to be. You will have the opportunity to say good-bye to past relationships and the partner you were that you are leaving behind. You will draft a personal growth plan and you will learn a new language of connection.
Join us for the next Keepers workshop, a virtual retreat for individuals, April 10-11, 2021. Sat and Sun from 9 am-12:30 pm and 2:30 pm-6 pm.