Joshua sat on the park bench, watching the golden leaves drift to the ground. Beside him, Brianna gazed at the quiet lake, her fingers entwined with his. It was peaceful now, but they both knew their love had weathered storms. Love was never just a straight path—it was a cycle, a relationship journey.
The Romance Stage: Love in Full Bloom
When Joshua and Brianna first met, everything felt magical. Their laughter was effortless, their conversations endless. Brianna marveled at Joshua’s kindness, his way of making her feel like the most important person in the world. Joshua adored Brianna’s warmth, her fierce intelligence, the way she made even the simplest moments feel special.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” Brianna whispered one evening as they sat beneath the city lights.
“You complete me,” Joshua murmured back, his fingers brushing against hers.
In those first few months, everything felt perfect—no misunderstandings, no arguments, just the exhilarating rush of love. They believed their connection was different, unbreakable. But love, real love, doesn’t stay in the clouds forever.
The Conflict Stage: Shadows of the Past
As months turned into years, the honeymoon glow dimmed. Joshua started working longer hours, coming home exhausted. Brianna, feeling distant from him, began to bring up small frustrations that turned into bigger fights.
“You never listen to me,” she snapped one night as he scrolled through his phone at dinner.
Joshua sighed, putting the phone down. “I do listen. But sometimes I just need quiet after a long day.”
Brianna felt her chest tighten. That feeling again—the one she had buried since childhood, the one that whispered she wasn’t important enough.
Joshua, too, felt something stir inside him. The fear of disappointing someone, of not being enough. He had spent his life trying to avoid conflict, but now, he felt like he was failing.They began arguing over small things—who left dishes in the sink, who forgot to call, who cared more. But underneath it all was something deeper: unspoken fears, unresolved wounds.
One night, after another tense argument, Joshua took a deep breath and turned to her.
“Brianna, I don’t want to keep fighting like this. Let’s try something different.”
The Romantic and Conflict Stages: Unconscious Love
Unconscious love often stems from early imprints formed in childhood, where we unknowingly seek partners who reflect both the positive and negative traits of our primary caregivers. In this space, love is guided by unmet needs, unresolved wounds, and automatic reactions, leading to patterns of attraction that feel intensely familiar yet sometimes painful. When we operate from unconscious love, we may react defensively, project our fears onto our partners, or expect them to fulfill roles scripted by our past rather than truly seeing them as they are. This unconscious dynamic, though challenging, serves an important purpose—it presents an opportunity for healing, growth, and deeper connection if we choose to engage with it consciously.
Imago Dialogue Heals
The next evening, they sat across from each other, determined to truly listen, to truly see.
Brianna hesitated before speaking. “I feel like you don’t listen to me. When you come home and don’t engage, I feel invisible.”
Joshua swallowed and mirrored back, “What I hear you saying is that when I come home and don’t engage, you feel invisible. Did I get that right?”
Brianna nodded, surprised by how simply being heard softened her anger.
Joshua took a deep breath. “That makes sense. I can understand why you would feel that way.”
She blinked. For the first time in a long time, she felt validated, heard, and understood. It felt good.
“I imagine that must feel lonely,” Joshua continued. “I don’t want you to feel that way. I care about you, and I want to do better.”
Brianna’s shoulders relaxed. This was different. This was love in action.
They started using Imago as a way of life—mirroring, validating, and empathizing. Arguments turned into conversations. Conflicts became moments to embrace growth. Frustrations became moments of understanding.
The Conscious Love Stage: A Love Reborn
With time, their relationship transformed.
Joshua made more space for Brianna, not just in words but in actions—turning off his phone at dinner and asking about her day with real presence. Brianna, in turn, learned to trust Joshua’s need for quiet without feeling abandoned.
One evening, as they sat together watching the sunset, Joshua squeezed her hand.
“We made it through the storm,” he said.
Brianna smiled. “Love isn’t about avoiding storms. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”
They knew the cycle would come again—romance, conflict, growth—but now, they were ready. With love, patience, and the antidote, they would always find their way back to each other with the tools to decrease pain and increase pleasure.
Conscious love, on the other hand, emerges when we recognize and take responsibility for these unconscious patterns, shifting from reactive to intentional ways of relating. Using Imago dialogue and awareness, partners can move beyond instinctual triggers and cultivate a relationship built on empathy, validation, and curiosity. Instead of viewing conflict as a sign of incompatibility, they embrace it as a pathway to mutual understanding and healing. In this space, love is no longer about completing what was missing in childhood but about co-creating a safe, nurturing bond where both partners feel seen, valued, and supported in their individual and shared growth. Conscious love transforms the relationship into a sacred space for healing and connection, allowing both partners to thrive.
A unique workshop opportunity for BIPOC couples: