Increase Intimacy in your Relationship

One dialogue, three books, one experience, and one poem – here are some different ways to engage with your embodied life and intimate connection to your partner.

An intimacy deepening dialogue

Talking about sexual intimacy can bring up all kinds of feelings for people because we have received so many different messages about sex and the body growing up, from our families, media, schools and faith communities. For some of us, it feels fun and easy to discuss, for others it’s uncomfortable and even shameful sometimes. However you feel about the topic, it’s OK – it makes sense, and you can start a journey to more embodied pleasure and freedom from wherever you are now.

How Do We Begin

Here are some prompts to help you begin a conversation with your partner. Remember to take turns: one person shares (one sentence at a time), while the other listens, mirrors it back (reflects back what they hear word-for-word), and checks “Did I get you?” to make sure they are understanding fully. When the first sender has finished all the prompts, switch roles.

  • What speaking about the topic of intimacy brings up for me is… because…
  • One thing I appreciate about our intimate relationship is… 
  • One of my favorite intimate/sexual moments with you was… because… 
  • One thing you do that I particularly appreciate in our intimate life is…because…
  • I feel most turned on / I turn myself on when… 
  • I feel least turned on / turn myself off when… 
  • One way I would like to grow as an intimate partner is… 
  • What I appreciate about being able to discuss intimacy with you is… 
  • Thank you for listening.

Three great books to explore intimacy

Books on intimacy and sex abound. These three offer a mix of sound science, helpful and relatable examples, and practical dialogues and exercises.

A simple exercise to cultivate intimacy

Here is an exercise to experience a new sense of closeness with your partner.

Watch this video and try it out for yourselves: How To Connect With Anyone

Directions for Eye Gazing: Sit facing each other on two chairs (clothes on!). Set a timer for four minutes. Relax into the present moment, open your heart, and gaze into your partner’s eyes. No words, just presence. At first, it may feel strange or vulnerable, you may even notice some giggles – that’s normal! Let yourself settle into the experience, and notice what it’s like to fully see your partner and to be fully seen.

Blessing your intimate journey

A Blessing for the Senses 
 - John O’Donohue

May your body be blessed.
May you realize that your body is a faithful
and a beautiful friend of your soul.
And may you be peaceful and joyful
and recognize that your senses
are sacred thresholds.
May you realize that holiness is
mindful, gazing, feeling, hearing, and touching.
May your senses gather you and bring you home.
May your senses always enable you to
celebrate the universe and the mystery
and possibilities in your presence here.
May the Eros of the Earth bless you.