Three tiny habits that might be hurting connection without you realizing it
We all want to be good communicators — thoughtful, loving, and clear. But sometimes, especially when we’re stressed or triggered, we fall into habits that quietly sabotage the very connection we’re trying to build.
Here are three sneaky patterns many couples struggle with, along with some gentle shifts that can help restore connection.
Mistake #1: The Memory Police
Actually… it was Tuesday, not Thursday.
You might be technically right (and I know I often am about facts!), but if your partner is sharing something vulnerable and you jump in to correct a detail, you’ve just derailed the emotional train.
This isn’t a courtroom, so let the small stuff go. Focus on your partner’s feelings instead.
Mistake #2: The Eye Roll
It may be silent, but trust me, your partner feels it. That little flick of the eyes can land as contempt or dismissal, and now you’ve got a whole new hurt to repair.
Try softening your face instead. Even a few seconds of conscious calming can change the tone of the whole conversation.
Mistake #3: The “You Never…” Opener
You never help around here.
You always ignore me.
Statements like these invite one thing: defensiveness, which shuts down connection fast. And they are likely not true! So stay focused on the particular situation at hand, without generalizing.
Try This Instead:
Next time you feel tempted to criticize, pause. Take a breath. Stay curious.
Ask yourself: What do I actually want here?
Then turn that complaint into a request. Instead of “You never listen to me,” try “I’d love if we could sit down later and talk. I really want to feel heard.”
Remember:
Connection beats correction, every time.
Small shifts in how we speak, listen, and show up in the moment can lead to big changes in how we feel together over time.
Reflection Prompt:
Think back to a recent conversation where things felt tense or disconnected.
Did any of these three habits show up?
What might you try differently next time — maybe turning a complaint into a request?
Reach out to us at the Imago Center DC if you’d like to bring a little more connection — and a lot less confusion — to your conversations.
Want more tips like this?
Catch the video version on Instagram here.
And don’t miss the next post in our Imago Moments for Couples series!