I speak three languages — French, English, and Spanish — and I can tell you from experience: understanding the words doesn’t mean you fully understand the culture.
You can know how to order un café con leche in Spanish and still feel totally out of place at a family table in Barcelona. You can understand every word your partner says in English… and still not feel heard, understood, or safe.
Because love isn’t just about words. It’s about the emotional language behind them. And many of us were never taught that language at all.
When we fall in love, we think we’re speaking the same “language.”
We feel connected, close, and relaxed. It’s like being in sync without trying. But over time — in marriage, long-term partnership, or even close friendships — our differences start to show up. We “lose translation.” We misunderstand. We blame. We defend. We stop feeling safe enough to say the vulnerable thing.
And often, what gets interpreted as distance, disinterest, or even disrespect… is actually just a different relational dialect.
Imago Therapy teaches us a new language.
This language is built not on winning arguments, but on creating safety. It’s rooted in curiosity, rather than assumptions.
In Imago, we teach a practice called the Imago Dialogue — a structured, three-step way to slow down communication and bring a deep, empathic presence back to your relationship.
It’s not complicated, but it is powerful.
- Mirroring – “Let me see if I got that…You said…”
- Validation – “That makes sense to me because…”
- Empathy – “I imagine you might feel…”
These are the phrases that start to rewire our old defenses. They’re the bridge across our differences. They give us a new shared vocabulary.
Love is a cross-cultural experience.
Even when we speak the same language, we often come from different emotional worlds — with different rules, expectations, childhood stories, wounds, and dreams.
The question isn’t whether we’ll misunderstand each other.
The question is: do we have the tools to reconnect when we do?
If you’re a therapist, coach, or healing professional — I’d love to teach you this “language of connection” at my upcoming Imago Level 1 Therapist Trainings.
And if you’re in a relationship and ready to stop repeating the same fight over and over, consider joining us for the Getting the Love You Want couples workshop in-person in Barcelona or in the Washington DC area. Check out all our upcoming Imago Center DC workshops here.
Because love is not just a feeling. It’s a skill. And like any language, it can be learned.
Or, as I like to say: L’amour, ça s’apprend. ¡El amor también se aprende!
Whatever language you speak — let’s learn the language of connection together.