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Why All Couples Could Benefit from (Good) Couples Therapy

During my training in Imago Relationship Therapy, one phrase has always stuck with me: "No one teaches us how to be in relationships." If we have parents with a good marriage, modeling can be a great teacher but it's still not the exact same thing as what it truly means to learn relationship skills. Intimate relationships are some of the hardest work we will ever have to do in our lifetime. People are complex and relationships are complex and navigating it all can be quite tricky.  There are no classes in school that teach the art of relationships.  Read more »

How to Use Conflict to Connect and Grow in Instead of Wound

As soon as my couples get serious about using conflict to grow rather than to wound or make the other "wrong," things change quickly and dramatically. In the attached article (click link below), Brian Gersho writes, "If you were to witness a healthy couple disagreeing on an issue, it would be hard to determine that they were having a difference of opinion because of the how skilled they are in having a respectful discussion/disagreement."



You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Together

You've probably heard the relationship advice, "You can be right, or you can be together." Often when we get into conflict with our partners, we hold on with every ounce of our being to the conviction that we are right...and surrendering that assumption may feel like capitulation in the heat of an argument.
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Imago Mind

The Psychotherapy Networker magazine this month focuses on The Mindfulness Movement currently afoot in our culture. Because my own spiritual disciplines include meditations of various sorts, I value the transformational qualities of these kinds of practices. Some of my clients do, too, and part of our work centers around how their practices of silence and mindfulness impact their therapeutic progress.  Read more »

Treasures of Darkness: The Imago Movie

A major motion picture that cameos the Imago way to heal a relationship? Well, not that I know of, but let me pitch the first episode of a film that’s in the planning stages of my imagination. It starts with the makings of an familiar storyline: Aye meets Bea; Aye gets Bea; Aye and Bea want out.
We watch the initial romance phase unfold: Aye and Bea are inseparable; the chemistry between them sizzles on the screen. Then, almost imperceptibly, disillusionment creeps in as tension builds.  Read more »

Vision Quest Imago Style

 At some point in the early days of our marriage (it was 43 years this summer) my husband and I started writing down 5-year plans. We’d go out to dinner with the purpose of brainstorming and we’d have fun putting our heads together to envision our lives together. We’d write down stuff like buying a house, changing jobs, having another child, landscaping the yard, traveling, getting a dog, and the like. I loved that we did this and always took pride in our purposefulness and focus.  Read more »

Imago: Oprah's #2 Aha

O Magazine just released a commemorative edition listing her favorite all-time "Aha" momen

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Imago Means What?

I found an interesting bit of background information on the term Imago and how it evolved in the psychoanalytic community over the years. It may be TMI, but for those curious about it, have at it.  

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Treasure Good Friends

After sixteen years together, my partner Chuck and I were married in February in a private ceremony. Just last week we hosted a public celebration of our marriage with friends. Although we thanked our guests for coming we realized afterward that we neglected to tell them how important they are to us and how truly grateful we are for their presence in our lives. So we sent them the following message:
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