Author: Hayley Hoffman
“In order to empathize with your experience, I must be willing to believe you as you see your experience and not how I imagine your experience to be.” Brené Brown All my survival instincts are on high alert and every possible transgression, thoughtless action or selfish choice kicks me into a level of outrage that […]
READ ARTICLEIs there a pattern here? “When was the last time you two had sex and was it satisfying?” Couples coming to me for the first time will be asked this question. I usually tell them that some therapists say that “if you fix the sex, the rest will follow,” and others say: “if you fix […]
READ ARTICLEHaving a consciously connected relationship means it is okay to disagree, it is possible to fight fairly, and our differences are welcomed.
READ ARTICLESomehow we are wired to be in relationship with other people. And yet it is the most challenging that we do. People in relationships live in constant connection with another human being in a conditional way based on how we each treat the other. We unconsciously select this other person, hoping that we will finally […]
READ ARTICLEConnection is the skill most couples really need to learn.
READ ARTICLEA new year, baby! I love when I first realized that I could start over whenever I want. I don’t have to wait for a new year to have a new beginning. My new beginnings are not limited to culturally dictated calendar cycles. As a young person, my year began in September. As a homeschooling […]
READ ARTICLEGIVING AND RECEIVING It is very difficult for me to give freely without expectations and strings attached when my hands are clenched tightly to you or to a belief I have about you. Giving and receiving is on my mind this year. I am keenly aware of the seduction and ease with which giving becomes […]
READ ARTICLEConscious Connection Back in September, I made a decision to start a practice of intentionally exploring my conscious connection to my husband. I was trying to walk the talk of what I tell my clients. I did this by starting each day with a prompt that gave me an opportunity to think about and then […]
READ ARTICLECan You Give Me what I need? Being in a committed long-term relationship is the hardest thing we do. Individuals in a relationship boil down into two distinct categories. You can call them Pursuers and Withdrawers, Minimizers/Maximizers or the-one-who-is-eternally-Disappointed and the-one-who-lives-in-fear-of-eternally-Disappointing. It all boils down to the same fears: “I am never going to be […]
READ ARTICLEMentality {(Need for Romance + Security) > (Fear of Rejection)100} -Memory {(Declaring Love led to Intimacy last time) ÷ (That relationship ended badly)3} × Anxiety (Will she/he reciprocate?)10 √ {(Is this bad timing?) +Intuition (I’m getting a good vide.)} × (Courage + Nerve ± Recklessness) = “I love you.”* What does it mean to you […]
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