Author: Caroline Bernhardt-Lanier
A recent Washington Post article by Yael Schonbrun, “Typecasting others and self as villain or victim can hurt relationships”, explores how we often fall into moral typecasting—assigning rigid roles of villain and victim in our relationships. When we feel hurt or frustrated, it’s natural to see ourselves as the wronged party and our partner as […]
READ ARTICLEI speak three languages — French, English, and Spanish — and I can tell you from experience: understanding the words doesn’t mean you fully understand the culture. You can know how to order un café con leche in Spanish and still feel totally out of place at a family table in Barcelona. You can understand […]
READ ARTICLEImago Therapy is Not Just for Couples “Mom, are you being nice or are you being mean? I’m trying to be nice, so you need to try too.” — A precocious little girl in a viral moment of emotional wisdom We often say that children live in the space between their parents—not just physically, but […]
READ ARTICLEThe Transformative Power of Imago Therapy It’s Not About the Toothpaste In relationships, it’s rarely about the toothpaste. It’s about what the toothpaste represents—what lives beneath the surface of our irritation, what old stories are being unconsciously activated, and how deeply we long to feel understood. Jayne Gumpel, a gifted North American Imago therapist and […]
READ ARTICLEOne dialogue, three books, one experience, and one poem – here are some different ways to engage with your embodied life and intimate connection to your partner. An intimacy deepening dialogue Talking about sexual intimacy can bring up all kinds of feelings for people because we have received so many different messages about sex and […]
READ ARTICLEAnger is a basic human emotion and a normal adaptive response to threats. But it can be destructive to our health and relationships if we don’t know how to manage it effectively, especially in a partnership.
READ ARTICLEHigh conflict marriages without much affection are very bad for our health. In contrast, living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
READ ARTICLEChange your lens, change your relationship! First of all, how would your relationship be different if you approached your partner reflecting on two questions: What can I celebrate in my partner? and 2. What’s right with our relationship? This sounds challenging, right? We are not programmed this way! Our default is looking for what’s not […]
READ ARTICLEWhat do rubber bands, willow trees, and roly-poly dolls have in common? Answer: Flexibility under pressure and the capacity to bounce back after stress. In other words: resilience! The past two years have called for all kinds of resilience from us — as individuals, as couples, as families, as a nation, and as a world. […]
READ ARTICLEDo you know how to apologize meaningfully when you have made a mistake or hurt someone — intentionally or unintentionally? Most of us growing up did not see good models of healthy apologies to repair ruptures and restore relational trust and safety. Some of us were forced to say we were sorry when we weren’t. […]
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