Conquering the Comparing Mind with Imago

Although what rested at the bottom of my cup was not “guilt” so much
as “shame.” Shame. This has meant for me a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that I was liable to say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time. From an early age I felt different than others. I perceived myself as usually less than, less popular, less successful, less socially graceful.

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Rules of Engagement: getting along by looking for connection

What we say is important, how we say it is paramount.

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Blame, Shame, and Criticism in Your Relationship is Toxic

Criticism, defined as the expression of disapproval or disappointment, can take many forms and can range from constructive feedback to harsh or attacking statements. In this article, criticism is defined as language that blames, shames, or belittles your partner. Regardless of the form it takes, excessive criticism can be harmful to the health of a […]

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There is No Place Like Home

A Love Letter to the Expat in Me My childhood as an expat in high-risk countries has greatly shaped who I am today. As a child I lived in four different continents, changed schools seven times, and resided in my home country for seven inconsecutive years. Ambiguity, regular uprooting, or living in the outskirts of […]

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Living in the Space Between

I imagine, we all know the difference between a genuine warm welcome and a half-hearted, reluctant gesture that is meant to pass for welcoming. We know this deeply in our nervous systems, well before our brains assign meaning to the feelings that arise from a lack of genuine engagement. Our amazing and brilliant survival system is generally excellent at gathering data and sorting it into safe or not-safe buckets. It knows the difference between warm and welcoming and fake hospitality.

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What are Healthy Boundaries and How Can I Get Them?

Boundaries are the root of self-care and are necessary for creating a healthy life. They are limits we create for ourselves to have the life we want and deserve as unique human beings.  They are not the rules and limits that we have internalized from our childhood or by comparison with others.  It’s a tricky […]

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It’s HOW you say it!

Every Monday morning, the staff of the Imago Center gathers to share our professional successes, concerns, and questions. Yesterday, I brought a question to the group: I’m currently working with a couple who do not share the same language of origin. They sometimes struggle to communicate because they ascribe a different meaning to different words. […]

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Kindness, Curiosity, and Inclusion

I Am a Proponent of Connection I have always been more of an observer than a talker, yet I have been having some difficult conversations lately on the topic of COVID-19 and vaccinations, with the people I care about, because I need my relationships now more than ever with friends, family, and colleagues. If I […]

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What is biology doing in relationships?

Would you like to get a cup of coffee? That moment when he first walked over to me, my heart was pounding. I can still see myself all of these years later. I think I may have blushed. He leaned forward and asked if I would like to get a cup of coffee. We had […]

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What’s the difference between verbal abuse and just being “blunt”?

Just mean or “no filter?” Has someone ever said something incredibly insulting to you and when you became offended, they (or someone else), said that person was either “blunt,” “a straight shooter,” or “tells it like it is”?  While there are people that seemingly have what is referred to as “no filter,” there is also […]

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