As human beings,our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.
One of my favorite articles as of late highlights the research of John Gottman. You can read Masters of Love in The Atlantic. If you want the cliff notes version, it compares successful couples with unsuccessful couples (masters vs. disasters). What the research found was that successful couples exhibit kindness and generosity towards each other while unscucessful couples are critical and have outward contempt for each other. Read more »
In my couples' counseling practice, one of the things I enjoy most is teaching couples new tools to work through conflict. If you're considering counseling to work on your relationship, here is a video that encapsulates the answers to, "What is Imago Relationship Therapy?" and "How can it help me?" I have found the tools of Imago Relationship Therapy transformative in creating greater connection in my own marriage, so it brings me great meaning to share what I've learned with other couples. Enjoy!
Relationships are like roller coasters, they all go through their highs and lows. What can make for even more low periods than normal is stress. Stress can take an incredible toll on two people that are committed to each other and turn it into a rough experience. Read more »
During my training in Imago Relationship Therapy, one phrase has always stuck with me: "No one teaches us how to be in relationships." If we have parents with a good marriage, modeling can be a great teacher but it's still not the exact same thing as what it truly means to learn relationship skills. Intimate relationships are some of the hardest work we will ever have to do in our lifetime. People are complex and relationships are complex and navigating it all can be quite tricky. There are no classes in school that teach the art of relationships. Read more »
By now, most of us have heard the term, “Man up!”, but if you haven’t, it is a term used to very strongly encourage boys, young men, and adult males, to show more so-called “strength”. It is a term commonly used to shame boys and men, into acting the way past generations feel they should act; with little emotion, and a lot of bravado. But what does this term- among many others- do to the psyche of young children? Read more »
"Much of our activity these days is nothing more than a cheap anesthetic to deaden the pain of an empty life." ~ Unknown
Echoing the wisdom of the world religions, new research suggests that people spending money on "stuff" rather than life enhancing experiences "are sacrificing well-being for a sense of value that never materializes." The attached article (click link below) explores this research. Read more »
As soon as my couples get serious about using conflict to grow rather than to wound or make the other "wrong," things change quickly and dramatically. In the attached article (click link below), Brian Gersho writes, "If you were to witness a healthy couple disagreeing on an issue, it would be hard to determine that they were having a difference of opinion because of the how skilled they are in having a respectful discussion/disagreement."